Imagine this: you’re living your best Dutch life, sipping coffee in your gezellig home, and you decide it’s time to embrace the future with KPN’s lightning-fast fiber-optic internet. After all, it’s not just any company—it’s Koninklijke KPN N.V., the largest telecommunications provider in the Netherlands. “This is a company with over €5 billion in annual revenue,” you think. “Surely, they know what they’re doing.”
Oh, sweet summer child.
The saga begins when you sign up for fiber internet. KPN promises speeds that could power a spaceship. You book the installation, thinking, “Soon, I’ll be zooming through the digital cosmos.” On installation day, the KPN crew arrives, takes one look at your garden, and announces: “Too many cables in the ground. We’re out.” And just like that, they vanish. Fiber? Nope. Connection? Not even close.
But don’t worry—KPN has a state-of-the-art solution for your woes: a chatbot! Now, this isn’t just any chatbot. This is the kind of artificial intelligence that makes you question the very concept of intelligence. You type out your problem, pouring your soul into the chat window. The bot, in its infinite wisdom, replies: “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” You explain there is no internet to turn on. The bot insists: “Please visit our FAQ page.” At this point, you wonder if the bot is trolling you for sport.
Determined to speak to an actual human, you channel your inner gladiator and battle the chatbot with every trick in the book. You shout “AGENT” repeatedly like a frustrated parrot. Finally, a customer service rep emerges from the digital abyss, like a mirage in the desert. Hope flickers. “Let me transfer you to the network team,” they say, and—boom—you’re back to square one. Chatbot. Again.
Meanwhile, KPN is pulling record profits, investing billions in networks and digitalization. They’re climate-neutral, aiming for net-zero emissions by 2040. Fantastic. But maybe, just maybe, they could invest in a phone system where someone actually picks up?
Just when you think things can’t get worse, KPN starts calling you. Silent calls. Three times, you answer, and three times, you hear… nothing. At this point, you’re convinced KPN has hired ghosts to run their operations. Somewhere in Rotterdam, CEO Joost Farwerck is probably cutting a ribbon on a new fiber-optic project, blissfully unaware that his chatbot is actively destroying the will to live of his customers.
Out of desperation, you try XS4ALL, a KPN subsidiary. Their support rep is kind and empathetic. For a moment, you feel seen. But then, the inevitable: “Sorry, you’ll need to contact KPN directly for that.” You’re redirected to—you guessed it—the chatbot. It’s like being trapped in a dystopian sitcom written by Kafka and directed by AI.
By the time your fiber dream dies, you’ve blocked KPN’s number, sworn off chatbots forever, and penned an open letter to Joost Farwerck asking him to admit, “Wij zijn een waardeloze flutorganisatie.” You’ve also renewed your love for Ziggo, because at least their customer service doesn’t require an advanced degree in patience.
So, here’s to KPN: a company that’s mastered the art of fiber optics but lost the plot when it comes to customer service. They’re proof that even with €5.48 billion in revenue, you can still run a telecommunications empire on the fragile infrastructure of badly programmed AI.
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